What I got wrong about dreams (and why dreams matter)

I used to be a big believer in SMART goals. I would set my goals and challenges and pursue them with vengeance. Dreams…well, they felt fluffy and not real. Like the dreams that evaporate when we wake up. Or the daydreams we have to distract ourselves. They are ideas that exist between our ears but not in the real world. I would hear people ask ‘What’s your dream?’ and tense – ugh, no, we need to be grounded in a good, solid SMART goal. 

I’ve changed my mind. We need to rip up our SMART goals.

They are restrictive. They tell us to stick to what’s achievable and realistic. They put constraints on our imagination and are born of practicality. They are not where we start. 

Have you ever thought of something you’d like to do but dismissed it because it didn’t feel realistic or attainable?

Dreams don’t have those limits. The only limit is our imagination. We get to ponder ‘what if…’ and ‘imagine if…’ and think about what we’d love to do. We get to play in the realms of the seemingly impossible rather than the sensible and probable. Dreams, big dreams, feel unattainable. The opposite of a SMART goal, and that’s the beauty of them.

Our dreams should excite us, feel out of reach and perhaps scare us a little (or a lot!). That’s where we start. We start with a dream, we imagine a new possibility, and we let it take shape in our minds. Then, we birth it, through planning and deliberate action. That’s when we turn it into a goal, or a series of goals, but if we do that too soon, we risk creating the constraints that come with practicality.

For years I’d had my goals, mostly around sport and competing. Don’t get me wrong, they were great, and yes, they gave me a sense of purpose, but they lacked soul and were a band-aid solution. I was blessed and had this great life, but there was something missing. 

As I shared in my book, my wonderful life felt like having a beautiful piece of clothing that didn’t suit me. And I wanted to find what did. When I came up with my dream to paddle the Nile, it was a visceral response and with every cell in my body, I knew this was it, even though it felt beyond my reach. Going after it was life-changing. 

Having dreams and working toward them is so important. 

Here are a few reasons that spring to mind. 

1. THEY REVEAL US. Our dreams are the truest expression of who we are, and the person we want to be, rather than the version we have been conditioned to want to be. Through chasing our dreams we get to  explore who we are, what lights us up, what brings us joy. Research suggests that when what we pursue aligns with our own interests and values, we are more likely to sustain our efforts and experience well-being benefits from achieving them.^[1]

Are your ambitions shaped by expectations, obligation or comparison?

What lights you up when you stop thinking about what you should want?

2. THEY EXPAND US. When we pursue our dreams, we grow, gaining new skills and experiences, and our perspectives change. We discover capabilities we might have never known were hidden within us. The journey to pursue our dreams changes how we see ourselves. We may not achieve everything we planned, and things may not go to plan, but those challenges are a source of growth. To even begin pursuing something we’ve never done before requires a bigger version of ourselves. 

Who might you become by pursuing your dreams?

3. THEY BRING MEANING AND PURPOSE. We stop being passively dragged forward and instead get in the driving seat. We direct our precious time and energy toward something that really matters to us. They become a filter to what we say yes to and give our effort a reason beyond ticking off another achievement. The actions we take toward our dreams can give everyday tasks more significance because they’re connected to something we care about. 

Is there something you want to do that would give your time and energy a greater sense of purpose?

4. THEY GIVE US AGENCY. In a world where things feel increasingly beyond our control, lurching from one crisis to another, we can feel increasingly powerless. While the pursuit of our dreams isn’t a complete antidote, they bring a positive and constructive focus on something that we choose, influence and act upon. We get to shape our reality, and that can act as a buffer to what’s happening around us. We get an increased sense of agency. 

Is there something you’ve been waiting for  the right time or the perfect circumstances to pursue?

5. THEY EXPAND OUR SENSE OF WHAT’S POSSIBLE. When we start taking action in the realms that once felt out of reach, we face the challenges and overcome obstacles, our confidence grows. We can find our ambition fuelled as we see what we are capable of and expand what we see as being possible. 

What might be possible if you gave yourself permission to think bigger?

THE KEY: The key is to take action towards our dreams, while being kind to ourselves along the way. They shouldn’t become another source of pressure or overwhelm. And we don’t need to have everything figured out or wait until the time is right. We just need to begin.

Things that we sometimes get wrong.

We get to have multiple dreams. They don’t have to be something that is our life’s purpose – that one big dream. No, we get to have multiple dreams. One dream can lead to another and then another. My Nile trip was the first dream I pursued. That led to various adventures, and now it’s Pole to Pole. 

What’s the dream you’d like to pursue now?

While I believe our dreams should stretch us, it doesn’t have to be enormous or extraordinary. They don’t have to be world firsts, change the world or be impressive. They are your dream – they are not comparable to those around us or what we see on socials. It’s your dream, that’s all that matters. 

A story of true inspiration

Whenever my dream feels out of reach, I think of Dr Tererai Trent, who I’m sure many of you are familiar with. She grew up in a cattle-herding family in rural Zimbabwe. By the age of fourteen, she was married and with her first child. By eighteen, she had given birth four times to her abusive husband. In her own words, “I come from a long line of women who were forced into a life they never defined for themselves.” 

One day a stranger from an NGO visited Tererai’s village, sat and talked with the women. She asked Tererai, “What are your dreams?” She replied, “I want to go to America to get an education. I want to get an undergraduate degree, a master’s degree and a PhD.” It was the first time she had given voice to her dreams. She later added a fifth dream, which was to give back to her community, in particular the women and girls. She wrote them down, put them in a tin and buried them like a seed, to grow and take root.

Have you had a dream you kept to yourself, and never shared it because it felt too audacious?

Against all the odds, and so many challenges along the way, she achieved her dreams and so much more. She went on to become Oprah’s all time favourite guest, author, speaker and founder of Tererai Trent International, which improves education, strengthens communities, and creates opportunities so girls can build better futures. 

I highly recommend her book: The Awakened Woman: Remembering and Reigniting Our Sacred Dreams.

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One of the wonderful things about being human is that we don’t have to accept the future as an extension of the present. We can imagine something different. Something that doesn’t exist yet. Something that matters to us. And then we can choose to work to make it real. Perhaps that’s one reason dreams are so important. They allow us to imagine what could be, and then take steps toward it.

And I’m here to help. There’s the Dream Creator program for those in search of their dream and the Dream Chaser program for those with a dream. Both can be accessed here on the Skool platform. They include tools and tips, plus I’ll be running regular sessions on this platform. 

I want everyone to have a dream that lights them up and to help them make it a reality. 

Sarah 

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^[1] Sheldon and Elliot · 1999 · Journal of Personality and Social Psychology